Saturday, June 20, 2009

update in June

the date today is June 20 2009. another 69days to my new life....what wil be waiting for me? i am not sure...easier? happier? i do not know. what i am sure, it will be a lot tougher than now. back to basic, i will not be having fixed pay check every month and i will not be able to spend as crazy as i am right now.

finally, i will be leaving penang, a place with lots of memories..both happy and sad one.thinking of the reason why i was here in the first place? i found myself as silly. hoping that the relationship will last longer and forever if we are close to each other, now what? we broke up few months after that. and i am all this faraway place struggling for the own niche of life.

in fact, i dun like my job. more upsetting, i dun even know what i actually want.all these while, i have been trying so hard to fulfill and achive what have been said as "good" and "best" by others, without thinking from my own standpoint. sad though..
and now, i have finally decided, to let go whatever i have, stop for the moment, to start to think, what exactly i want to have in my life? i know, this ain't gonna be easy. but i reli do not want to carry on with this life, a life which i am pretty sure not i want it to be. anyone's with me for ths new journey?nope, i am alone.stepping onto this unknown journey, solo...

i dun mind to be solo anymore, though, if there's a choice, i won't want to be so. tried very hard to make frens happy, hoping that friendship may last longer. tried very hard to love and be loved by someone, hoping that i could have meet my life companion, but yet, i am still alone, both physically and mentally..over and over again, i am getting fragile being hurt for countless time, regardless intentionally or unintentionally, by frens, as well as those that i reli love...and now, i want to stop..all these unnecessary trials...let's have a a new place, with new frens and new job..

i am looking forward, for this new 69days time...

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