Sunday, June 21, 2009

sunday in Queensbay...

another sunday passed. went to Queensbay with phyro'. late lunch in Nando's, spending most of the time trying to "seduce" the branch manager. yes, gorgeous and sweet. typically my type.. hahaha...but failed to seduce at the end, how sad. :(

then we both went for haircut. been thinking wanna try something new, but at the end, the stylist persuaded me to stick to the existing style...he only helped to trim my hair to make it shorter and easier to be managed.anyway, i kinda like my current hair though. so no harm to keep it.until one day i am bored of it, i will get it changed..hahaha....

imagine how bored we were, 2 big boys lepakking in Starbuck, washing the eyes, and surfing motivelessly online...but anyway, this is definitely better that surfing alone at home in front of the tv....at least we are talking to each other..hahaha....

well, it is sunday night again, few more hours it will be monday, i have 8more mondays to go i guess, before i officially declare myself as "jobless"...kinda excited, what will be life become later, when i am back to basic..when i dun have to wake up early in the morning, adn get stuck in traffic jam on the road.,i am seriously, looking forward for that.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

update in June

the date today is June 20 2009. another 69days to my new life....what wil be waiting for me? i am not sure...easier? happier? i do not know. what i am sure, it will be a lot tougher than now. back to basic, i will not be having fixed pay check every month and i will not be able to spend as crazy as i am right now.

finally, i will be leaving penang, a place with lots of memories..both happy and sad one.thinking of the reason why i was here in the first place? i found myself as silly. hoping that the relationship will last longer and forever if we are close to each other, now what? we broke up few months after that. and i am all alone..in this faraway place struggling for the own niche of life.

in fact, i dun like my job. more upsetting, i dun even know what i actually want.all these while, i have been trying so hard to fulfill and achive what have been said as "good" and "best" by others, without thinking from my own standpoint. sad though..
and now, i have finally decided, to let go whatever i have, stop for the moment, to start to think, what exactly i want to have in my life? i know, this ain't gonna be easy. but i reli do not want to carry on with this life, a life which i am pretty sure not i want it to be. anyone's with me for ths new journey?nope, i am alone.stepping onto this unknown journey, solo...

i dun mind to be solo anymore, though, if there's a choice, i won't want to be so. tried very hard to make frens happy, hoping that friendship may last longer. tried very hard to love and be loved by someone, hoping that i could have meet my life companion, but yet, i am still alone, both physically and mentally..over and over again, i am getting fragile being hurt for countless time, regardless intentionally or unintentionally, by frens, as well as those that i reli love...and now, i want to stop..all these unnecessary trials...let's have a restart...in a new place, with new frens and new job..

i am looking forward, for this new life...in 69days time...

Monday, June 15, 2009

Miley Cyrus - The Climb



I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
[ Miley Cyrus Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Just keep pushing on, cause

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

am I happy?

dlm masa lebih kurang 2 bulan dr skrg, idup aku akan terima suatu perubahan yg amat besar. tiada lagi idup mewah...tiada lagi swipe credit card tanpa rasa risau sangkut hutang x bayar....tiada lagi mcm2 problem dan tension keje....ye...aku dh submit surat benti keje...akhirnya, lepas struggle selama berbulan2, setelah melalui berkali2 konflik dalaman yg begitu memeningkan, aku dh bertindak...mgkn ni bukan satu langkah yg bijak pada pendapat ramai org.tp serius, aku dh x larat dh....x mampu dh nk truskan perjuangan aku sebagai seorang jurutera. byk kali aku confuse, sama ada aku boleh menjadi seorang jurutera yg berjaya.tiada jawabnya. keputusan aku utk berhenti keje ni...aku pun x pasti, sama ada ia betul atau tidak. tp satu je yg aku pasti, lps ni aku ade masa yg secukupnya untuk memikirkan, apa sebenarnya yg aku nk dan ape yg sepatutnya aku kejari dlm idup aku.this is what we call "soul searching"...mencari diri sendiri kita yg sebenar..mengenalpasti matlamat atau goal idup kita yg sebenar.

kadang2 aku pikir, kalo aku bukan seorang jurutera yg berjaya, apa yg aku mampu capai dlm idup aku?mcm mane br aku boleh kekal idupku dgn kegembiraan dan kebahagiaan?mgkn, itu persoalan pertama yg patut aku menjawab nanti bile aku dh x dibebani keje yg berat, leceh dan memenatkan ini sume...hahah...

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Rindu Terhenti



Rindu Terhenti

Telahku tinggalkan
Memori silam ku itu
Tidakku biarkan hidupku
Dibelit pilu
Walau duka menampan dada
Walau sepi mancalar hati
Rindu ku terhenti

Ku pinggirkan sayu
Yang meruntuhkan pintu
Kasih tulus
Ku biar berlalu
Ku pinggirkan lara
Yang berpaut dijiwa
Ku teruskan hidup tanpa dia

Padahnya lama dah tunggu
Hilang tak berganti
Cinta tiba cinta pergi
Biarlah satu hati

Walau duka menampan dada
Walau sepi mencalar hati
Rinduku terhenti

Ku pinggirkan sayu
Yang meruntuhkan pintu
Kasih tulus
[ Rindu Terhenti lyric found on www.lirik.tv ]
Ku biar berlalu
Ku pinggirkan lara
Yang berpaut di jiwa
Ku teruskan hidup tanpa dia

Padahnya lama dah tunggu
Hilang tak berganti
Cinta tiba cinta pergi
Biarlah satu

Ku lupa kanmu jua
Sedih kau pergi menjauhi

Ku pinggirkan sayu
Yang meruntuhkan pintu
Kasih tulus
Ku biar berlalu

Ku pinggirkan lara
Yang berpaut di jiwa
Kuteruskan hidup tanpa dia

Padahnya lama dah tunggu
Hilang tak berganti
Cinta tiba cinta pergi
Biarlah satu hati

Biarlah satu hati

long night

mlm td aku g klinik...pastu kena injection...punyer la teruk sakitnya...aku ingat itu je la...mana tau...ubat yg doc bg tu....wt mlm aku begitu panjang....kejap rasa sejuk menggigil..kejap rasa panas nk meletup..kepala aku mcm nk pecah je...huhu...tahan2 akhirnya aku bangun kul6 utk siap g keje...bawa keter dgn slow gile sebab penin pale....seksa dowh...

tp ade gak part yg best mlm td..jumpa and sembang dgn sum1 yg sgt best...outspoken, gorgeous...cute...hehehe....tp at last pun aku x dpt number dia....and x nk mintak...tgu dia je yg cari aku.. :D

Monday, June 8, 2009

di hujung penantian

puasku mencari...penatku menanti..akhirnya, dpt pun aku terima khabar dia..x sangka pulak...akanku jumpa dgn dia...siap berkarok skali mlm itu...2 tahun....x la panjang...tp mcm2 aku lalui...ingat lagi aritu aku broke up dgn dia waktu aku tgh practical...geram bile dia ckp aku cuma salah sorang drp 5 org calon dia...dan dia pening sebab semua ajak dia couple...terasa gile aku....yg kami jalan berpegang tangan untuk cari hotel di klang...yg kami cium di platform train kl sentral...itu sume cuma lambang aku sebagai sorang calon untuk dia...aku geram sgt masa tu...dgn kebodohan aku utk sayang dia...smpai x kisah pasal awek dia...smpai boleh tlg kejut dia...untuk bangun siap dan kuar dgn awek dia...

tp...kegeraman itu hanya tahan selama beberapa hari...aku dh menyesal...menyesal kerna aku mintak dia jgn cari aku lagi...nasib baik masa itu kami berjauhan....maka x la terasa sgt.....

x sangka pulak...2 tahun yg lepas....slps aku mula keje kt cni...slps puas aku mcari dia...smpai aku bljr bowling...dan kerap men bowling di tempat yg dia pernah bagitau dia slalu g men bowling...semata2 bharap untuk terserempak dgn dia tp x pernah...aku dpt tau yg dia rupa2nya kawan kepada kawan2 baru aku kt cni....

lagi x sangka....baru2 ni...dia couple dgn kawan aku....tp ape yg aku berhak nk ckp? x de ape....dia dh bukan hak milik aku lg....sebab aku yg lepaskan peluang aku, 2 tahun yg lepas....maka kalo nk disalahkan...maka hanya aku sendiri yg patut disalahkan je pun....

di hujung penantian, patut aku rasa lega melihatnya sihat spt dulu...
di hujung penantian, patut aku doakan kebahagiaan dia, spt mana yg aku harapkan selama ini, walaupun kebahagiaan itu bukan aku yg beri....
maka selesai la segala mende yg aku cari dan nantikan di cni....keputusan untuk tinggalkan tpt ini sudahpun lama dibuat..tp berat sungguh untukku melaksanakannya...aku rasa, skrg la masa utk aku merealitikan keputusan aku...mula idup baru...di tempat baru...

life isn't all about histories and memories...
we are on a long journey which needs us to keep moving forward...
memories taught us about the beauty of life...
but we can't live with only memories forever..
that's y..we need to let go and move on...

Friday, June 5, 2009

Culture Unplugged Video

wanna know what actually happen somewhere around world when you are not finishing your food?
spend couple minutes to watch this. i cried during lunch hour today...